Miss you forever
Know you’re always here with me
Miss you forever
Know you’re always here with me
Did these haha
That’s all. Been doing them as videos. And focusing on that more.
Seems like the minors have slowed down as I get used to this 22 weeks thing. Before I was just cramming the coloring into my free time
This was originally a facebook post to the SKT group, if you can believe it. Haha. So I brought it here.
I am going to start the 22 weeks today 🙂. I had a false start a while back where I did Monday and realized that the cards were pretty intense energetically(?) and I thought maybe doing the coloring would ground the energies. I had originally wanted to do the coloring after getting better at blending. But instead I’m getting better at coloring as I….color. haha. I stapled over binder paper what I had written for Monday and in the notes section, but I think it’ll be interesting to read what I had written originally too.
Also, I think I’ll do it while video journaling too, and have that be my overflow journal so I don’t get overwhelmed. And it’ll be fun and more interactive in different ways. I also bought it into therapy. I was trying to decide which program to go with for now. It was between DBT, this book Adult Children of Abusive Parents, and the 22 Weeks. She looked at them a bit and said they all seemed fine right now, so go with your intuition, but also keep things simple (e.g. the grounding recitation can just become “I am grounded to the earth”).
So I think I’ll focus on the 22 weeks, and maybe incorporate DBT for mental strengthening Wednesday. And do 10 minute meditation on Monday, but 2 minutes for every other day, like the Adult Children book says.
For Tuesdays, I’ve been interested in Qi Gong and it seemed like the unvierse was bombarding me with these synchronicties a while back. Like it was kind of ridiculous. Luckily there’s a sliding scale place here for Saturdays. I hope to budget for it soon. But he also has free guided video thingies on his site so I can practice the moves, and I borrowed a book from the library. I saw in an email he sent out today that he recommends the book and has talked with the instructor, so that’s cool.
..I just looked and he also has a class on Tuesdays at the YWCA. I’d probably feel less anxious there, but I don’t have a membership….and so it’d be pricier and far away, and I ride the bus. But maybe I should look into it more. Plus, lucky lucky, I’m off Tuesday now.
I also bought a fancy wallet with Cat and Fish symbols, which is I what I’d searched for exactly, for the prosperity ritual part hehe. I’ll share it here on Thursday, or whenever I get it. It felt like a splurge but I think it’ll be good too. I hadn’t bought myself a new wallet before and I’m partly influenced by what Marie Kondo had to say about it. So yeah 🙂
The only thing I need to figure out now is Friday self-care, I think. That’ll probably be a bath and Sailor Moon but then I need to be pretty on it in terms of keeping the shower clean and dry regularly without overdoing it with harsh chemicals. Or it can be reading. Hm. Also whatever Saturday and Sunday are.
The other thing is being on my phone less, hehe. But maybe instead of just trying to get rid of it, I should focus on enjoying the 22 weeks and see how that changes me as is.
This was long. Thanks for reading! haha
Resumed the coloring.
Did the second fool card, the Seeker, and all the fours
Since I’m not using glitter (I AM COMMITTED TO NOT USING IT) it went a lot faster.
I didn’t get this intense depth feeling that drove me….a bit…..something, as I did with the majors, for the Fours…..but they’re the minors, so I think it’s okay. They’re more down to earth…..
It felt like some of them lacked a cohesion the others did…..sometimes…..
I don’t know, I don’t feel as satisifed. Like this immense satisfaction feeling. I think that’s what I’m chasing.
That’s what I want. To feel satisifed.
Also, I’ve noticed myself thinking ‘if I could do light then it’d be better’ as in, knowing how to do….light…and shadow, in coloring.
Also my back…..idk how to color or draw with my back not slouched
I took a 5 minute break sorta……at one point….maybe 2
But yeah it went by faster
I feel like I need to understand ‘good enough’ more. I’m chasing some impossible ideal probably. Or at least impossible for right now. It makes me sad to think about that. But I guess I’m in the process of reaching that, so I might as well be satisfied with where I’m at and how I’m coloring right now. I’m getting a lot of practice. I haven’t colored like this, or with this level of skill, in a long time. So I should be very proud of myself, honestly. That would be the kind and realistic and fair thing to do.
I AM DOING AWESOME! I AM DOING GREAT! MY BEST IS GREAT! IT’S GOOD ENOUGH! I AM DOING A WONDERFUL AND ABSOLUTELY EXQUISITE JOB! MY ART IS BECOMING MORE AND MORE BEAUTIFUL AND REFINED WITH EACH STROKE OF MY MARKER! MY TECHNIQUES ARE GETTING SHARPER AND MORE CLEVER AND CREATIVE! AMAZING! WOW! BRAVO!
alrighty bye. i’m sick and i stink. BLEGH. I need to shower. sweat. hahaha tmi
I am sick and bored but I have a rainbow blanket and apparently it’s national coming out day so hi I’m non-binary or something like fluid idk and I’m bi or pan or something. It’s hard because I’m first generation and gay “doesn’t exist” back in my parent’s countries (things are changing a bit in my mom’s country of origin). I’m kinda as black sheep as you can get for my culture I think. Witchcraft, occult stuff, therapy, open to psychedelics (except right now), interested in the taboo, and gayyyyy 🌈 Also confusing as I’m discovering my queerness as I’m in a committed (100% supportive) relationship with a cis white man (hiii 💞) so it’s kinda confusing with everything else^, and with working through childhood trauma and ADHD and anxiety and mood cycling stuff, on top of problems with hormones and my period and being poor without a car, etc etc etc, thrown in the mix. It’s a whole hot mess in here. There is an intersection of HOOPLAH.
But I’ve got a pretty stable life right now and I’m happy and I’m in a healthy romantic relationship with a person who’s silly and adorbs, and I have a lot of markers and tarot decks and I only have to work 3 days a week to survive which let’s me focus on other life stuff (I think, we’ll see, lololol) and I’m getting free therapy so that’s great. Even though there’s a lot of crazy in my life, I feel like a lot of it is actionable and there’s a trajectory in my life that’s uplifting, even if it is just spirituality and I have to make concessions in terms of what I had wanted my life to look like. It sucks, and maybe I’ll never have like…. idk health insurance or whatever (nah that’s gotta happen eventually, hahaha), but that doesn’t mean I can’t live a kick-ass fun-filled enriching life.
Plus I don’t live anywhere near my family, as much as I love them, so I can do whatever I want and they don’t need to know.
Compartmentalization is the main difficult part there. So idk, coming out to the internet is the easiest thing for me right now, blah blah blah.
Commented this on Alie Dee’s video on YouTube, and putting it here for myself
I’ve heard that the 7s in the Thoth are kinda like that, and that kabbalah kinda explains their seeming negativity. They’re supposed to be this spiritual number and their sephiroth thingy is called victory, but then the cards are like failure, futility, debauch, etc. I heard it explained recently as relating to fate and things beyond your control and how you react to that and the human tendency to want to challenge fate and change their destiny and fight against the current or the future, and the 7s in the minors are the different ways we do this. By being cunning, through herculean effort, by ignoring reality, etc….? And 7 as a spiritual number might instead be asking us to submit and surrender. I think it might be a “assess whether this is a situation where you do have control – and where you can’t, release it” and that’s where the 7s reveal their association with spirituality, wisdom, magic, etc. On the physical sphere, after careful analysis and consideration, this can lead to strategizing which often leads to victory, I think especially when you’re in a chaotic environment (e.g. dishwashing for a ridiculously busy restaurant – it’s best to stop, center, analyze, prioritize, create a game plan, and enact it – but it’s hard to remember to do that,or that you even can, when the environment is insanely chaotic), and on the spiritual sphere, victory is achieved through surrendering yourself to a higher power or to spirit – realizing you’re not in control and that’s okay. Kinda explains the Chariot’s canopy in the RWS.
I thought about something. The high priestess is the moon. The moon is Pisces. The sun is the sun. In RWS the moon is like confusing and the dark night of the soul. People get annoyed because the moon is Cancer’s ruler, is assigned Pisces, and is associated with the feminine but it’s like this creepy irrational and dark card while the sun is masculine and is like all good and crap…. Also the sun is the sun, while the moon isn’t the moon, in correspondences. The sun is the only card titled it’s own correspondence.
I feel like it’d make sense to call the moon card Night, and the sun card Day. It makes as much sense for Pisces to have the night card as Cancer the Chariot and Capricorn the devil. And when we talk about the moon card we always talk about darkness and illusions and fear and the unconscious. With the sun card, the idea of heat doesn’t often enter the picture so much as the light breaking through and illuminating the world and positivity and crap. The sun and moon would still be in the cards and all….
Reminds me of Emily Dickinson.